Another Mom Noticed, Would You?

Guess what! You can get a free chicken sandwich from Chic-Fil-A if you download their app and join as a new member between June 1-11th, 2016. I just found out this afternoon. I'm not sure if you have to purchase the sandwich by the 11th or if you can get it later, but I used it this evening since my husband had a late work evening.

Why are you writing about Chic-Fil-A, you ask? Well, you see, I had a MOMent. Diaper Bag over my shoulder while holding my daughter in one arm and carrying a high chair with the other complete with an ever-growing baby bump had me looking like a sight, a sight that another mom noticed. I made my way to a table, strapped my daughter into the high chair, and sat down. An employee brought my food and placed it at my table. Opening our food and delving in, I suddenly realized I didn't have a straw.

Not a huge deal. I could have taken the lid off to sip from the cup, but I had wanted to share with my daughter, and all I could imagine was lemonade spilling all over her clothes. Getting up to grab one would mean ripping a toddler away from food and leaving food unattended (which my mama taught me never to do).

My pondering of what I should do didn't last long. The mom who observed me walk to a table with my hands full also noticed my strawless situation, and she came to my rescue by getting one for me! She deserves the great mom award of the evening, because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have noticed a young mom missing something seemingly unimportant.

As a young mom, do you feel self-conscious when other moms stare at you, especially if they seem more experienced because they have multiple children or older children? Me too! But, I'm learning that these moms aren't trying to be nosy or judgemental (though some may be). Many of these moms are reminiscing on the days when their child was a baby.

This evening, I stumbled across a few videos my mom had taken after I gave birth to my daughter. In one video, mom recorded my daughter as she cried. My heart melted and the tears flowed as I remembered those long and draining but beautiful days in the hospital with new life.

In the future, I may be the older mom who watches a mom with a toddler struggle to her table, and I hope that in the reminiscing I'll take the time to see if there's anything that young mom might need. A simple act of kindness goes a long way.

Learning In May

Something new: Each month, I'll be writing what I've learned and linking up with Emily Freeman's blog. By doing this, I hope you'll see that I'm fully human with the desire to learn a thing or two along this journey known as life.

Here's what I've learned in May:

1. Don't expect a sparkling surface and uncluttered carpet.

I'm raising a kid. My kid explores, makes messes, displays a myriad of emotions, eats and eats and eats, craves attention, and there's never a dull moment aside from when she's sleeping. It's when she naps that one of three things happen. A. I quickly try to tidy the home. B. I dig into scripture and either write or study the art of writing. C. In this season of life, I sometimes have no choice but to take a nap. My brain screams "NO" and "TERRIBLE USE OF TIME," but my pregnant, hormones-out-of-whack self whispers "necessary" and "it's okay." That said, if you stop by my home, I'll do my best to have progress made with tidying up, but rest assured one room in the house will be a complete wreck. I'm the gal who doesn't find a thrill in cleaning, and who often lacks the time to do so. If you are reading this and have children and a tidy home on a daily basis, teach me your ways!

Books and Laundry equal chaos in twenty minutes.

Chaos restored by the day's end.

                    

2. Someone likes carrots mixed with applesauce.

She wants more!

                                               

This child of mine has the pickiness of her mother when she was under 10. Meats? No. Veggies? No. New Food? No. Baby Food? Yes! It must be a textures thing. Upon not eating carrots, I decided to blend them with a little applesauce. Repeat procedure and one point for mom. According to the Pediatrician, she can eat basically any food. Perhaps it's her teeth keeping her from doing so or just the look of certain foods. We have dairy, grains, and fruit down, so I'll call that progress.

3. Elephants are pregnant for two years.
My daughter's room took on a slight elephant theme when preparing for her arrival. I just learned that elephants are pregnant for two years. Perhaps there's an underlying message here, like the fact that 9 month human pregnancies feel as though they last forever.

4. Tree frogs are cute.

I'm pretty sure this little guy is a tree frog. Over the weekend, we went to a state park and these frogs were everywhere.

5. Eagles fly majestically.
While hiking near a river, I spotted an eagle flying. I've never seen an eagle in the wild, so I was a bit excited. Isaiah 40:31 takes on added meaning when one considers the gracefulness with which an eagle flies.

6. Ask and receive.
Okay, so I didn't just learn this in May, but it was evidenced throughout May. We don't have family in the area, so going to an ultrasound with a toddler is downright hectic. Figuring this out the hard way, I decided to ask a friend of mine if she could watch my daughter. She graciously said yes even though she has four children of her own. Thank you, friend. You know who you are.

Also in May, God provided us with furniture for Baby #2 and we didn't have a pay a cent. We didn't ask for furniture, but had asked where a friend of ours had gotten something for a crib. That conversation turned into getting rid of a crib because their family had just moved. Thanks you guys!

8. Just say no.
I've said no before, but it's never easy when saying no to family. I was asked to go to a family reunion which conflicted with a women's conference that I was already set on attending. After great consideration, I chose to say no to the reunion because my spiritual life needed the focus and because traveling three hours up and back to a reunion didn't sound fun while pregnant.

9. I have something to say.
I have something to say in the form of a book, but I've sat idly by for fear of what others might think, for falsely believing that what needs said doesn't matter, and for worry that I'm inadequate and unknowledgeable to the book writing process. I'm in the process of praying heavily over this and listening to what God wants. In the past several weeks, I've been jotting down notes like crazy, and I believe these may be the beginning of the process.

This book idea has been floating around for years, but for years I've been denying the idea. I've spoken to my husband and a very few others, and each person has encouraged me in their own way which has been good for combating the crippling fear.

This acknowledgement written in words is just another step toward submitting to God's call. It's a small step, but a step nonetheless.

10. Choosing vulnerability means I will change and others will change.
Oh, there's so much I could say about learning what it means to be vulnerable, but I'll just leave this here with few words for soaking purposes.

Note: Number 7 is missing. I could have gone back and changed it, but I'm humoring the fact that I can write yet not count to 10. ;) Fully human. Told you. 

What have you learned this month? I'd love to hear! 

On Time And Serving

Sometimes days are long, making us feel like time lasts forever. We know those days all too well. We wake up to a cranky kid, face daunting tasks ahead, like laundry and grocery shopping, and in the moment the day drags. But when it's all said and done, realization hits. The day sped by. We feel the day did not consist of meaning-making. Contributing to the world in a rich, satisfying way seemed impossible with such a piled-high list. That's because time is brief.

In the long and mundane of tasks we'd rather not take on, the day nears an end and we realize time wasn't long to begin with; rather, the brief time was just filled with life, with adulthood, with parenting, with wiping a runny nose every few minutes. Brief. Swift. Precious.

Thus, no matter the circumstances of the day, time is precious. The day we've been given is precious. We are told to rejoice in the day (Psalm 118:24). It's easy to wish the laundry washing, grocery shopping, counter cleaning, mess making days away. It's just as easy to let frustration rise as the day comes to a close, sometimes causing our spouses to get the brunt of our emotions. I'm guilty.

Rather than wish the mundane days away, let's work on embracing them. We've been given this day, full of towering, often unwanted tasks. Sometimes we have to be Mary and sit at the feet of Jesus, ignoring what needs accomplished for the sake of accomplishing more for our soul, more in order to know Jesus, and more that we may reflect Him. More often than not, however, we are Martha. We are the one that Jesus lovingly rebuked for complaining about Mary. We shouldn't complain when we feel we are doing the more mundane while our spouse, friend, or neighbor seems to be doing something much more valuable. Perhaps, too, we need perspective.

We forget the dirty work that serving others often entails, and we also forget that serving others may be within the home and must be within our home before it can reach others. Let's realize that every towel we fold and every sock we match has the ability to reflect a servant spirit. Aren't we called to serve others just as Jesus washed His disciples feet? Serving others with the right attitude likely shows more love than what we'd rather do throughout the day. Matching socks and washing dishes is just as important, perhaps more important, than what we'd rather be doing to influence the world around us. Serving is better than writing, than speaking, than singing, than preaching. This does not discredit the writer, the speaker, the singer, or the preacher as long as he or she possesses a spirit of serving others. It simply means true motherhood first requires serving, true craftsmanship first requires serving, true pastorship first requires serving, true _________(fill in the blank) first requires serving.

Serving is no easy task, for certain. Serving means humbling ourselves. Serving is one major way to show love, and in showing love, we reflect Christ. We reflect Christ just like we are called to do. Less of me, Lord, and more of you. 

Dance With Your Groom

Each wedding photo has memories attached with it, but this photo is by far my most embarrassing moment. I'm no dancer. It's okay when I'm alone and being silly, but not when all eyes are watching. Wes was set on dancing, and after some convincing, I agreed. It was one day, a special day, and although skipping this portion of the wedding would have been fine with me, I understood his desire to dance with his bride for the first time in front of family and friends. 

                                       

I can imagine God wanting to dance with His bride too, and I'd likely feel just as self conscious and awkward attempting to fall in step with Him when I feel so inadequate and unworthy. 

So, we danced. The room was quiet and motionless aside from the music that I could hardly hear over the inner voices screaming "don't mess up." I tried to quiet them by focusing on my husband. "We're married now. You're my husband now. It finally happened." Speaking this truth into existence calmed me. I whispered that I was nervous and he reassured me. We continued dancing, and for a few brief moments, it was just him and I. 

But, the end of the song neared, and Wes went to dip me just as we had practiced, and I panicked when I remembered that all eyes were on us. I remembered how awkward dancing was for me. The dip was mildly unsuccessful. A few gasped. Some covered their mouths. Wes managed to pull me back up and held me close as my face turned every shade of red. "It's okay," he whispered in my ear. "Don't worry about anyone else. I've got you." 

I think of the account in Matthew 18 where Peter takes his eyes off Jesus while the disciples are watching. Peter, the strong one, the determined one, the leading one, got all focused on the circumstances around him. He looked at the waves, and began to sink. 

I'd like to think I'd walk straight out to Jesus with eyes fixed only on Him. But, I'd be Peter in a second. Clinging to insecurities, I'd consider the disciples safely in the boat watching me do something out of my comfort zone. "Who walks on water? This isn't even possible." The inner voices would scream loud and clear. Then, just as the wave nearing me curls and dips, I panic. I sink. 

I've always been a little bothered by Jesus' words that come after He helps Peter. "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" They seem harsh, perhaps because they get at the core of my insecurity. It seems like this loving Jesus we all know so well is ticked with Peter, and perhaps He was a bit frustrated. Or, perhaps not. 

Jesus didn't say, "Peter, you have little faith in me. Why did you doubt me?" Yes, Jesus allowed this miracle to happen, but He didn't make it about himself. He made it about Peter. Peter began well. Faith and belief in Jesus and himself were in full swing. I don't think Peter stopped believing in Jesus' ability to perform this miracle. When my balance changed as Wes dipped me, I wasn't afraid that he couldn't handle it, I was afraid that I'd do something wrong, especially with others watching. As soon as Peter began to sink, he knew that only Jesus could help him. Peter stopped believing in himself when he saw the seemingly impossible circumstances around him. He was walking on water, I repeat, walking on water, with the Messiah. He suddenly felt inadequate and unworthy. Oh, how I can relate. 

What if we had been there to see Jesus' reaction to Peter. Perhaps the detail left out in scripture was His character that we know all too well. While it seems His words were harsh, I'd imagine that His reaction to Peter was one of love. He reaches out his hand, lifts him, and then holds him close as they walk back to the others who complacently sit and watch with anticipation. He speaks those seemingly harsh words in love. He's the Messiah. He understood exactly why Peter lacked faith and doubted. He was speaking directly to Peter's insecurities. 

Jesus wants more for us than we could ever imagine. When we begin to sink, He's right there and willing to reach out and pull us back up. Then He speaks the same words to us that He spoke to Peter, and He speaks to our insecurities and feelings of unworthiness. In Him, we are secure. In Him, we are worthy, holy, righteous, and redeemed. 

So go ahead, walk on water (figuratively). Go ahead, dance with your Groom. 

Coach, Janitor, and Hope

Life sometimes leaves us feeling like we may as well admit defeat.

In the race of life, everyone is ahead, nearing the finish line, while you feel as though you've only taken a few pointless steps. You feel you may as well stop, grab some water, and stay by the wayside to watch the others cross the line you once hoped to reach, the line that once seemed attainable.

Your coach sees you. He races over and tells you to get your head in the game, reminds you that you are capable, and explains that it’s not over, but you flounder in your self-pity and wave him away, unable to grasp that he sees your worth and believes in you.

Time after time you speak “I can’t” into existence and ignore the one who has trained you and knows that you can. You give up. You quit the team. Your coach is left watching you walk away.

Strangely, this coach doesn't move on to the next best. You've moved on with life, and years of hopelessness have gone by. You've somehow stumbled into a position of teaching, because you believe others are teachable. You believe they'll reach success. You begin to place your hope in others, because that fulfills you, but the very thing that makes you authentic has been placed on a cold backburner to sit stagnant.

Some weeks are good. When the ones you teach fly, you soar. When the ones you teach fail, you flounder. This roller coaster of emotion leaves you lacking true happiness.You begin to long for your own finish line. 

Your running coach never gave up on you, even after all these years. You wouldn't recognize him anymore. You don't see him anymore. This coach has moved selflessly into the position of janitor.

When you weren't aware, he gently plunged a white towel into water and cleaned the slate you'd written over and erased so many times. He became a servant for your sake. He took the lesser position in hopes that he would one day reach you, in hopes that you would one day place your trust in him again so that he could coach you in the thing that made your heart pound, your palms sweat, and your body move forward, one foot in front of the other until you sensed a pattern and comprehended the rhythm.

You'll attain hope when you trust in your coach again. You'll attain hope, and one day, you'll reach that longed-for finish line with joy.

Jesus is coach. Jesus is janitor. Jesus is hope.

Dirty Slate

Weekends bring with them restoration and strength to begin another week in spite of a chalk-filled blackboard but a week ago. 

Blackboards aren't ideal. The chalk taps and streaks with annoying repetition, the sandy grit plasters fingers, a residue appears when erased, and words are caked on top of the past. Just the thought of scraping fingers penetrates the mind. 

Friday arrives. The teacher looks at the board in aggravation. She sees the remnants of her week and wonders if the work has really done any good. She leaves the class. The filthy chalkboard can stay until the following week. Perhaps things will be different if they see what she sees. 

But what good is a dirty slate? One can only write so many words on smudges before the words begin to blend, obscuring what's most important. 

The janitor steps into the classroom to complete his afternoon tasks. The work is dirty-wipe desks, check for sticky gum in crevices, sweep and mop, and empty wastebaskets. He sees the chalkboard that the teacher didn't bother to clean, but he's not upset. He knows her job is difficult. End results are a long way off in her position. His work is evidenced on a daily basis. Feeling compassion for the teacher, he grabs a bucket full of water and a white cloth. Submerging the cloth in water, he lifts it up, squeezes the excess water, and begins wiping the board from one side to the other. He finishes the task of cleaning the room, walks to the door, and takes in his work. 

This is a place of learning. The slate is clean. She'll be relieved. She'll begin the week with hope. 

To be continued...

Wildflowers And Pain

I'm weary. 

My thoughts were to come back to this blog with eloquent words that might encourage you, but how does one encourage another when they've had a difficult week? Perhaps encouragement comes when we can willingly admit that we are discouraged, that some weeks don't always consist of daffodils and tulips, (my favorite flowers) and that sometimes spring results in burning eyes and a stuffy nose amidst its graceful beauty. 

Yesterday evening, I noticed that Irises had bloomed in our backyard, and in true childlike fashion, I went outside to admire them. Spring brings out the inner child in me, the little girl who walked the dirt road in search of wildflowers to give to mom. I wanted her to appreciate those flowers that I picked while admiring beauty around me. I noticed every detail, every bud bursting forth, every delicate dogwood flower, every goldfinch singing in trees, and the lone Monarch searching for summer Milkweed. 

When I reached home, I hid the weeds behind my back, and told mom to close her eyes. Handing them to her, she opened her eyes, smiled and thanked me, and then insisted on placing them in a vase to display on the kitchen table. She placed them in the kitchen, the room where she spent much of her time, and made comments over how beautiful they were. 

She found beauty in those many vases of wildflowers, the very same wildflowers that caused her sneezing fits and watery eyes. As a kid, I didn't realize she was reacting to those flowers, and she never would have admitted it to me. She embraced the discouraging allergy because she saw the beauty of her little girl lovingly bringing her the most precious gift she had to offer. 

So here's to embracing the discouragement faced within the week without letting it define who I am. Here's to hoping for beauty to come from the pain. Here's to a mom who constantly puts herself last, who embraces the discouraging moments, fully knowing that throwing the weeds away would be so much easier, and yet chooses otherwise, and chooses to define those same weeds as flowers.