Let me tell the truth. I started this blog with the purpose of having something to do. Most posts did not offer the real Shelby, the vulnerable Shelby, the I-really-want-to-encourage-you Shelby. Why?
First, I was pregnant. I had graduated college, and I wanted to start working. I wanted to use my degree and not let it go to waste. I wanted to wait a couple of years before adding kids to the mix. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted. While excited about having a baby, I was terrified. I knew nothing of that world, not even how to change diapers. I was also frustrated because it seemed my plans were being thrown in a wastebasket.
Second, I've tried the real, vulnerable, encouraging Shelby in the past only to be rejected, only to have hate spewed in my direction, and the spewing was often done by people closest to me, people I love. Being genuine hurts deeply when those you love mock you.
But I can't let one's actions cripple who I am, which is what I've been doing. The shell that offered protection and comfort is being outgrown, and God is calling my name, calling me out of searching for a bigger shell that will last longer than the first. He's calling me to things that downright scare me. Being the Shelby that very few see is a small portion of that calling.
This moment of personal writing will hopefully make its way into my blog, but it won't be easy saying yes to that. I fear what others think. I shouldn't, but I do.
This home page is mostly for me. It's to hold myself accountable to walking in the direction God is calling rather than racing full-force into another shell. But it's for you too. It's to tell you that we are all on a journey, all dealing with something. It's to tell you that I desire to rejoice, learn, and rest in the grace that only Jesus offers, and it's beautiful to see that grace through the lens of motherhood. It's beautiful to see God's orchestration of becoming a mom and the joy that motherhood offers amidst my futile attempt to play another tune.
So, yes, this is another mom blog, but it's not just for moms. It's for the soul that longs for reminders of grace amidst chaos. It's a place where I hope you'll come to be yourself: broken or whole, frustrated or fulfilled, confused or enlightened. Let's rest in grace together.
